Every cheerleading movie ever: THEY STOLE OUR ROUTINE

"

I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won’t come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world.

..I’m asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don’t say that you’re a nice guy — that’s the bare minimum.

“Well, I’m not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!”

I’m sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don’t have, then back the fuck away…

Don’t complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. “But I’m a great listener!” Are you? Because you’re willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there’s another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you’re a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn’t make you sick. You’re like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is “The actors are clearly visible”.

"
- David Wong (via thatlitsite)

(via firewordsparkler)

prongsmydeer:

Can you imagine Harry trying to parent his children and tell them they need to settle down but then James Sirius just pulls out his edition of Harry James Potter: A History and goes, “When you were my age you followed an alleged mass murderer into a tunnel, faced a werewolf and nearly got killed by dementors. I think I can go to The Bent-Winged Snitches concert.” 

(via firewordsparkler)

scarheadcanons:

ϟ 95) When Teddy was an infant, his hair turned color to match that of the person he wanted to hold him. This worked well when he wanted his godfather, which was often, but it became incredibly confusing when he sought a Weasley. There were many hasty rounds of pass-the-baby-because-dear-god-stop-the-crying.

(via firewordsparkler)